The Language Of Style

 

“It’s all about personality man…women don’t care what you look like.”

Is it? or is this another feel-good rationalization that will sabotage men for generations to come…

Some men seem to think that style is nothing but superficial beautification. Others seem to fall into the other extreme of thinking image is everything—that it defines them.

Style is a language. It is a mode of communication.

To say that style is just beautification of the superficial is like saying words are just the decoration of pages. On the other hand, our style is not our identity.

The relationship can be best seen in the way a word defines the associated object/concept. The word is never truly equivalent to the object. It is just a representation, a communication of it.

René Magritte: “This is not a pipe” (It’s only a picture of a pipe)

Like the English language, there are always better ways to express the same message. It’s like describing yourself as “happy” vs. “first-paycheck-meets-last-day-of-high school joyful.” Some styles just get the message across better. Others are just antonyms. There are many men out there dressing in the antonyms of their desired selves.

The crazy thing about hte language of style is that it communicates whether you are aware of it or not. Every single piece of clothing you put on is saying something about you. You might be putting on your “favorite” business casual outfit thinking you’re communicating “cultured,” “modern,” and “seasoned professional,” but you may actually be sending the message of “out-of-sync,” “antiquated,” and “amateur.”

How many judgments and presumptions can you make about the guy in the above picture? I bet you can write a paragraph about the dude’s life, including what his love life must be like, etc. You are conscious of this judgment making process now, but most of the time you are doing this unconsciously, labeling people, and making sweeping generalizations.

If you’re guilty of this, just imagine how others must be doing the same to you.

You see, the human mind is always trying to MAKE SENSE of the world. This often means making assumptions as an attempt to bridge the gap of information that it often experiences. When we see someone we’ve never seen before, the mind will do whatever it can with the information that is presented. That information is often presented in the form of appearance or image.

The common language of style exists whether you decide to acknowledge it or not. With your dress, you’re essentially “speaking” the language of society & culture, and conveying your characteristics through “words” that are commonly understood. Over-sized pants say something. So do red ties on presidents.

“OK, but who cares what others think? Why not just be confident?”

Unless you live in a cave by yourself, you should care about the messages you’re conveying through your style and clothing. To disregard it is like being OK with wearing a sign that says “loser” on your back. If you’re constantly sending messages anyways, you might as well learn the language and utilize it to work for you and not against you.

Guys: think about how often we judge women on their appearance. We often go as far as judge the very caliber of women from a mere glance, before they even say a word. I’m guilty of it. It’s as if I can “size up” a girl before I even meet her. Women do the same, with 10x the scrutiny.

Using the archetypes of style

There are countless style archetypes. There’s the “Rock Star,” “Preppy Ivy League,” “Urbane Cowboy” to name a few. All these looks have loaded messages. These are like sub-languages. They have the benefit of carrying a preloaded message. If done right, they can be extremely powerful means of expressing a certain trait or message. However, there is always the down-side of not completely understanding the “sub-language,” botching the entire look, and coming off as a mumbled fool.

“Oh… but that’s not me”

When you dress into a certain archetype or stereotype, it’s not to pigeonhole your personality into a certain mold. It’s about a “tool” for communication. It’s about speaking the language of society, popular culture, and conveying your characteristics through “words” that are understood. This language does not define you. It is NOT your identity. You image or “look” is simply an expression of yourself through the medium of clothing

Try this

As an exercise: look yourself in the mirror right now, and ask yourself:

If I saw someone dressed the way that I’m dressed now, what kind of inferences would I make about that person?

Write down some of the words or assumptions that come to your mind. When you do this, really detach yourself from your appearance, and be honest. If you saw a guy dressed like this on the street, what would you guess about his career? his social life? his love life? Are you saying the things you want to say with your style? Are you fluent in the language of style?

The majority of men today will put little effort into outward appearance, and then question why women aren’t giving them more attention.

The fact is that we all want to look better, feel better, and be more attractive to the opposite sex, but it’s just not in our culture as men to talk about our appearances. Women talk about this stuff all the time. Women trade fashion tips and tell each other whose butt looks fat in what. It’s just part of their culture, and these are things that they’re comfortable – and engaged in – discussing.

Along with fashion talk just not being part of a man’s conversations, the American workplace has also become so casual in the past twenty years, everyone is dressing down now. Fathers are no longer giving their children style advice anymore. If you do get good advice from your father, consider yourself lucky. The majority of us are lost and bewildered.

So How Can One Learn This Language?

With nobody to turn to, men are left crawling in the dark by themselves, desperately searching for the door that leads to sartorial wisdom. Inherently, we all know that the way we look matters, but nobody is out there guiding us in the right direction.

As men, we need direction. There was a study done where researchers discovered that by placing a small etching of a fly in public bathroom urinals, there was less spillage. We men need something to aim at.

This means that before you go shopping, you must have a plan. Make a list of things you want to purchase next time you hit the stores. When something catches your eye online or in a magazine, add the item to your list. This will prevent you from aimlessly walking around and merely perusing through each store – wasting time and ending up purchasing something you didn’t want just because the salesgirl said it was “so you.”

With a specific plan in your mind, now you’re at the store with a mission. You go in, get what you need, and you get out. The man’s way. Sounds simple, I know, but does everything have to sound complicated for you to want to give it a try?

The best way to start learning the language of style is by looking at those who know it and begin emulating them. (check out our tumblr) 

So surround yourself with style savvy friends or fashion magazines, and make mental notes of what looks good to you. When you see great outfits in fashion magazines, cut them out and save the pages, take note of what is worn and how the outfit is put together. After all, the models are dressed by stylists. Be careful not to get sucked into all the advertising though. You don’t have to buy the exact pieces to look good, focus studying the outfit combinations.

When you’re out shopping, and you happen to see some other interesting items, try it on. This is a simple concept that most men don’t ever bother to implement. The only way to truly expand your style and find what you like is to try it on first. Something you judge won’t work for you at first glance may change entirely once you put it on.

Make sure an item you try on makes you feel good. Maybe it makes you feel sexier, more confident, or says something you’ve always wanted to voice through your clothing.

The biggest sartorial faux pas is dressing in something you dislike. This is not to discourage risk-taking, but risks are usually taken in the direction that the person wants to go.

If you try something on and no part of the item makes you feel better at all, you’ll most likely come off as incongruent because it’s not something that is in sync with any element of your personality, and the uncomfortable body language that accompanies this emotion will amplify the incongruence even more.

Once you begin to really use a language, you’ll figure out how to use it more effectively. Instead of purchasing items that are in fashion, you’ll purchase items because you need them to complete a specific look you want to achieve. It becomes a lot more fun when you know what a certain element of your outfit is presenting about your character.

It takes practice like anything else, you have to learn through trial and error. One of the biggest reasons why most people aren’t willing to learn how to dress is because they believe they need a lot money to learn it. The truth is that you can still find any of the items you want at a cheaper price, it just takes more time.

If you don’t have the money at the moment, try all the items you want at the store as if you have all the money in the world, and then either look for something cheaper, or save up for it.

A great way to get a quick, mini-stylist is to ask a female friend who has an eye for fashion to tag along with you next time you go shopping. She’ll give you the straight facts from a woman’s view and give you the feedback you need before you decide to purchase something. Warning: Unless she knows how to properly dress herself, and has lots of guys in her life, be picky about the advice she gives you. All girls will have varying opinions, make sure she’s the type of girl you’d want to impress.

Also, if you have a girlfriend or a wife, do not be lazy and let her buy all your clothes. Why? For the same reason she doesn’t send you out to buy all her clothes. Unless your girlfriend is a men’s fashion designer you’re not going to look amazing in the clothing she buys you. Go out there and find what you really like instead of having someone dress you in what they like.

Consider getting an image consultant or a stylist

They’ll save you a lot of time and money in the long run. Once you understand how to shop more effectively for yourself, with a road map towards your goals, you’ll be surprised at how dramatically you can transform your style.

Now go out and learn the language of style. Others will start to understand the best in you.

Stay a cut above,

Jae & Theory

Looking for a total style transformation?

1-on-1 consultations w/ Jae (Kinowear.com author & image consultant) in New York City are now available in April. Questions? don’t hesitate to contact [email protected]